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Talking To Your Teenager About Sex In An Increasingly Sexualized World

5:28 PM, Apr 22, 2013   |    comments
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WASHINGTON (WUSA) -- Three Fairfax County teenage boys will soon be sentenced for their convictions last week for taking cell phone videos of sex acts.  

In court, the boys and girls who were recorded talked about having sex as if they were doing something as casual as having lunch with someone.

There was a 14 year old girl who was recorded in bed with two boys.  She said she was drunk and had  sex with one of the boys and then the other.

Another girl had sex with a boy in a car while  friends were handing out in the parking lot.  Another girl got drunk after taking the PSATS and texted the boy she likes... asking him to have sex right then.  She and two friends go the boy's house she she can have sex with the boy.    Her friends are asked to stay outside because the boy's mom is upstairs.

Some teens told Judge Thomas Mann that  they had sex with someone with friends in around dozens of times.  

Judge Mann was disturbed by the testimony and actions of the teens and said before convicting the 15 year old boy who declined a plea deal and went to trial, "This is, on so many different levels, a really bad day."

Parent educator End Lubic is not shocked by any of the testimony. 

"Sex is everywhere.  It's in front of these kids 24-7.  It's in the media.  And so to them, in their world and the way that they've grown up as these digital natives, sex is just what you do," Lubic explained.

Lubic, who is a teacher with the organization Parent Encouragement Program, says it's up to parents to help their kids make the better decisions than following the YOLO, you only live once mantra. 

"Sex is one of those things that strikes parents dumb with fear," said Lubic, but talk parents must  because school only teach the mechanics of sex... not the emotional part of it, with relates to values. 

"I'm not saying you have to say, 'No sex until marriage." But talking about values is crucial in the conversation about sexually," Lubic said. 

She says using news stories like the sex video case could be teachable moments to help open the door for a discussion.  Lubic says drugs and alcohol are involved in the explosion of teenage sexuality and need to be part of the conversation. 

"They don't have a lot of impulse control.  They don't understand the consequences of behavior, so our job as parents is to sort of help them figure that out," said Lubic. 

She says parents need to place limits on internet use.  She says what isn't helpful is lecturing, which will go in one ear and out the other.   She says it needs to be an open discussion where parents ask their children questions, and no yes or no questions, on that take some thinking.  That will help get the discussion started.  And remember, Lubic says, it should be an on-going discussion.  

You want to be the "ask-able" parent so that if you child does have a concern, he or she will come to you before getting into trouble or getting hurt. 


 

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